The courts had a plan for me last fall that included a stay at Oak House, however that only lasted a few weeks. Timing wasn’t right, ego wasn’t in check, and God knew that I wasn’t ready. This time, my Higher Power saw fit that I was finally ready to come home; and from the minute I walked in the door at Oak House, I was home.
For most of us that come to Oak House, this is not our first run at treatment. In fact, most of us have taken the classes so many times, we could probably teach them ourselves! And I was no exception to that thought. I knew it all, I just never applied it. But this time I needed to DO something different. And I did.
Growing up uncomfortable in my own skin and with a strong desire to “people please”, I certainly had a closet full of masks to hide behind in order to gain friendship, love, or whatever else I was trying to manipulate from you. At Oak House, I finally found the strength & courage I needed to take the chance of throwing those masks away, and exposing myself to the world around me.
“HERE I AM WORLD! GOOD OR BAD! TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME!”
Well, in a house full of women in recovery, they will certainly do just that! They will be honest with you. They will hold you accountable. They will challenge you. And more importantly, they will love you. They will support you. They will give you the freedom to fall, with the faith to trust that they are there to catch you when you do! This is exactly what my experience was at Oak House.
I learned to prioritize the value of my self-worth above the opinions of others. I learned that I am responsible for my actions and my reactions, and I cannot control the behaviors and the thoughts of others. These might sound like simple concepts to live by, but to an alcoholic who has lived her life in a constant state of fear of abandonment, they are certainly easier said than done!
I’ve recently celebrated my sober birthday and life is better than I could have ever imagined! While there are still challenges I face from the wreckage of my past, I can work through them without the obsession of self-medicating.
Today I have a God of my understanding, a sponsor, homegroup(s), my children, a job that supports my journey 110%, housing based in Recovery, and an amazing sober support system of family and friends!
But all this of this is given to me on a daily reprieve, contingent on my spiritual fitness.
They say our disease will take us to three places: Jail, Institutions, or Death. There is only one left on that list for me. So today, I choose my recovery and I choose life!